Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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