I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
