Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
