Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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