I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
