first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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