Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
