Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
