my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
