I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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