the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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