Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
