We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
