I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
