The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
