My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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