Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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