im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
