id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
