I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
