We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
