i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I supernannyed him into submission
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
