Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
