I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
