Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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