the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
