im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
