dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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