We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Be still, my beating vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
