So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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