We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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