Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
