i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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