i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
