I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
