I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
