I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
