I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
