also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
