he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
