If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
