Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
