under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
