She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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