Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
