It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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