just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
