U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
