I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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