Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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