I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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