I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There r osticjed everywhere
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
